When Our Hearts Go South

11.27.2010

Matthew 26:14 14 Then one of the twelve, whose name was Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests... ESV

Judas had developed a nasty habit of criticizing Jesus. Jesus was not acting the way he wanted Him to act and so Judas began to keep score. Perhaps Judas thought Jesus was a hypocrite, saying one thing and doing another. Perhaps Judas just got tired and irritated every time Jesus came up with one more of His answers. Maybe Judas was jealous. Maybe Judas tried with all his might to catch on to the Messiah but just couldn’t accept Jesus’ personality. I think it was a combination of all this, and the fact that Judas was a thief (see John 12.1-8).

What happens when our hearts go south against a leader? What happens when we just grow tired of the boss or the teacher or the pastor – or the mentor? It happens. What happens when our heart leaves and the guilt over its leaving stays? Sometimes the ego cannot bear admitting defeat and will hang on when it’s apparent to everyone else it should’ve left as well. I think that was Judas. I think he got caught up in something that he couldn’t control but initially thought he could. And when his Leader started saying things about crucifixion, he bailed in his heart…

I’ve never betrayed anyone like Judas did, but I have bailed in my heart… numerous times. I have been guilt ridden over my heart leaving but my stubbornness remaining. (Nobody really wants to hang around a cantankerous mule). There’s usually a tipping point, and for everyone’s sake, including my own, I need to pay attention to it. But when I do I need to remember that like two people who remain miserably married until the kids are gone, then divorce, the sham will at some point be obvious to everyone.

I think communication is vital. I think grace is essential. I think our hearts – mine and yours – are desperately fickle and often very misleading. I think a godly community of saints is the only place to deal with the tipping point and where we can deal with it when our hearts go south.

Father in Heaven,
You are good and merciful, and You are compassionate and loving. You know I struggle sometimes. Help me to be honest with how I feel and Help me to give all of my heart to You when it feels like it wants to leave. I’d rather have a tiny portion of Your grace now than a whole bunch of remorse later. Amen.