The Fuel of Dysfunction

01.20.12

Genesis 50.15 15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “What if Joseph bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong which we did to him!” NASB

You know, there were twelve different brothers by four different mothers. If you carefully read the blessings spoken over them by Jacob before he dies, you see that they are as different as night and day. I’m not sure how they thought of each other but it is very evident to me that they revered (or hated) Joseph as someone special. Such was the dysfunction of such a family.

Every family on earth bears the marks of dysfunction. We are all sinners, what would we expect? And really, blended families have one kind of dysfunction and intact families another. One of the greatest miracles of salvation in Christ is what His presence and love does to dysfunction. But not everyone sees and not everyone believes; and sometimes the baggage of the earlier days weighs tremendously on the present days. That’s why Joseph’s brothers would say: “What if Joseph bears a grudge against us and pays us back in full for all the wrong which we did to him!”

In my line of work I have about five minutes to earn credibility. I really only have about 30 seconds. But I need to say what I need to say in such a short period of time or else I have lost my effectiveness. What I say, I believe, is important. But how I present it is important as well and I need to present it well or I lose credibility.

In family life, friendships, marriages, we usually have more time to develop credibility; we tend to become predictable. But when you factor in fear, credibility goes out the window. When you factor in fear, everything usually goes out the window in relationships. Fear makes us cling to statements like: What if (so and so) bears a grudge – then what!? Fear destroys relationships and fuels the dysfunction of dysfunctional families. Fear is what fueled the mentality of Joseph’s brothers, who now that Jacob had died, saw Joseph as a threat.

Perfect love casts out fear. In 1 John we find these words: God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.  By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. (1 John 4.16b-18 NASB) Joseph’s brothers never got it that there was such a thing as love and that love would, and could, cover over the wrongs of an entire lifetime.

Listen: whenever we are afraid we show exactly where we are abiding. Abiding in God, no matter who you are, what you’ve done, or who your relatives, friends, or spouse is, is how love is perfected in us. And when love is perfected dysfunction ceases to function. That’s the miracle of Jesus and abiding in Him! That is the remedy for dysfunction! That is what is so needed in our lives, our jobs, and our relationships today: perfect love. And the only way to get there is to hang out with God.

Joseph’s brothers hurt him by fearing him. He responded in love by saying: “Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. (Genesis 50.19-21 NASB) Joseph was perfected in love – let’s be the same!